Local parents arrested for giving 13-year-old child beer while celebrating her chemical castration

A local couple is in jail for giving their transgender daughter beer during a celebration of her getting life-threatening hormone blockers to help transition her into a girl.

“I understand the desire to want to celebrate such a liberating action as injecting chemical castration drugs into your biological son to turn him into a girl because he liked Frozen,” city Police Chief Robert Redford said in a press conference, “but we can’t have young people drinking beer, for Heaven’s sake!”

The parents, Bill and Jeane Selfish, say that they only gave her one 12-ounce light beer.

“We’re responsible parents!” Mr. Selfish said. “We wouldn’t give our child anything that would hurt her. We just wanted to celebrate her getting injected with life-altering hormones. We would never get her drunk.”

Child Protective Services have been called in to take the child into custody following the beer incident. Once in custody, she will continue hormone therapy.

“She’s in a safe place now, free from dangerous drugs, and will be able to finish her puberty blocker treatments to make her a girl with the significant risk of killing her.”