Man eaten by shark dies from white supremacy coronavirus

(CNN) CORONADO, CA—Evidence is beginning to mount that young and healthy people can contract COVID-19 and die from the horrifying disease. California health officials reported that a 32-year-old Coronado resident, Carl Junior, with no preexisting conditions has died from coronavirus after being devoured by a great white shark.

“It’s true that most people who are at serious risk of dying from COVID-19 are those who are about to die from other diseases, but young and healthy people are dropping dead left and right too!” California coronavirus Czar Jed Goebbels said.

Gobbels also said that since the shark was a great white, this was also a white supremacist hate crime, which is the biggest threat to America according to President* Biden.

Junior was not officially tested for COVID-19, but the doctor was pretty sure he had it and that a coughing fit was what caused him to get eaten up by the shark while he was out surfing with only his Speedos.

The hospital will receive approximately $1.3 million for each COVID death but administrators assure us that this has nothing to do with the way the death was coded.

“This just goes to show that everyone needs to be fearful on this disease, not just a subset of unhealthy old-timers,” Goebbels added. “Everyone needs to panic a little more.”

For information on how to panic more during this crisis, please read GT’s Guide on Panicking during the Coronavirus Pandemic.


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