In a stunning historical revelation, intrepid historians have unearthed documents proving that the ancestors of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas and Secretary of State Antony Blinken were the masterminds behind the infamous Manhattan deal with the Indians. The shocking news has left the nation in awe of the duo’s negotiating prowess, wondering if the art of the deal runs in their blood.

At a hastily organized press conference, Secretary Blinken, wearing a tricorn hat for added historical flair, proudly addressed the media, “It was tough going, I tell you. Negotiating the sale of Manhattan to illegal immigrants for nothing required a level of finesse that only seasoned diplomats like ourselves could provide. We dug down deep and stuck to our guns, just like our ancestors.”

He went on to draw parallels between the Manhattan deal of yesteryear and the recent negotiations with illegal immigrants, where, according to Blinken, the illegal immigrants got everything and the United States got… well, nothing. “The inspiration for this deal was much like the one our ancestors made back in the day when we got those really cool beads in exchange for Manhattan. Like today, it’s win-win,” he declared with a triumphant grin.

Secretary Mayorkas, standing beside Blinken in full colonial-era attire, added, “Negotiating is an art, and we’ve got it down to a science. Our ancestors set the stage, and we’re just following in their illustrious footsteps. The Manhattan deal was a pinnacle of strategic brilliance, and we’re applying the same principles to modern diplomacy.”

Unbeknownst to the history books, it appears that Mayorkas and Blinken’s ancestors were not only key players in the giving away a nation but also pioneers in the realm of real estate and international negotiations.

The press conference ended with the duo proudly striding out, colonial coats billowing in the wind, leaving journalists and historians alike to marvel at the timeless legacy of Mayorkas and Blinken’s negotiating prowess—whether it be securing Manhattan or engaging in diplomatic exchanges with a contemporary flair. As the dust settles on this revelation, one thing remains clear: the art of the deal has never been more historical.

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