New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has stated that he will spare no expense and do everything he can to save an lives from the dreaded coronavirus.

“We are going to fight every way we can to save every life,” Cuomo said. We’re not willing to sacrifice your grandmother or his grandmother.”

As a result, preborn fetuses, of which over 100,000 will be aborted, have started self-diagnosing as coronavirus victims.

“I heard that the government is doing everything they can to save the lives of coronavirus victims, so *cough cough* I’m pretty sure I have it,” Jeremy Wilkins said from his Brooklyn mother’s womb.

Ms. Wilkins is considering killing her baby, but that would be against the law if he had coronavirus.

“If I have to contract that horrible disease, then so be it. At least I’ll get to be born! And the state will have money to spend on housing and care for me.”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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