Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
The Latest Trend in Detox: Eating Dirt
Are you tired of drinking green juice and eating only kale for your detox? Say goodbye to bland and boring...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Satan distances himself from Pfizer after Grammys sponsorship
HOLLYWOOD—The Prince of Darkness has denounced his Grammys ritual being sponsored by Pfizer, claiming the company "is pure evil." "I...
BREAKING: Biden posts TikTok video celebrating the end of Chinese spying
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden posted a video of him dancing on the TikTok social media platform to celebrate his ending...
Here Are All of the Items Found in that Chinese Spy Balloon Shot Down by the U.S. Military
UNITED STATES—This past week a spy balloon belonging to the Communist Party of China (CCP) was shot down off the...
BREAKING: Montana raises Ukrainian flag so that US will defend their airspace
BILLINGS, MT—Following the discovery of a Chinese spy balloon floating above the state, Montana Governor Greg Gianforte raised the Ukrainian...
BREAKING: McCarthy replenishes US Strategic Salt Reserves from Rep Tlaib’s tears after Omar’s committee ouster
WASHINGTON, DC—The new Congress is already seeing returns from its Republican majority. Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy was able...
BREAKING: Chinese spy balloon spotted flying over North America
The Pentagon is tracking a suspected Chinese spy balloon that is making its way over the northern US, a further strain on...
FBI reports they found nothing that would incriminate the FBI in Biden beach home search
WILMINGTON, DE—The FBI has reported that they have found nothing that would incriminate the FBI in the search of President*...
Introducing the Latest Beauty Trend: The Cactus Facial
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to feel the prick of beauty! Introducing the latest and greatest beauty trend to hit...
Pink threatens to make pro-lifers listen to her music if they don’t start supporting abortion
Pink has taken to Twitter to send out a strong message to pro-life fans who support the recent overturning of...
