The CDC now recommends all people over 65 remain homebound until the CoronaCrisis is over. These are neither disabled nor incapacitated elders. These are golfers, runners, and tennis enthusiasts; active people who are stuck in their condos.

So what do these people do? First, they go on the Internet and check their stocks. Yikes! Next, they cry for a while as their net worth is 50% less than it was a month ago. They go back and check again, weep uncontrollably and take a nap.

Watching TV for a while are then told the entire world will be dead in a week or two. But instead of dying from coronavirus, they figure most people like them are dying of boredom.

After pacing around for a bit realize they actually have a closet somewhere with lots of cleaning equipment and so they breach the forsaken broom closet and get stuff out.

A dozen more cups of coffee ensue yielding a whirling dervish of dusting and cleaning. Within a matter of minutes, they realize the house hasn’t been cleaned in a decade, dust is about an inch thick, and their home now looks like a London Fog at midnight. Breathing becomes labored as they inhale 10 years of accumulated dust.

Knowing there will be no ventilators available during this crisis, they are forced to leave their sanctuary and breathe the coronavirus-laden air. Checking their stocks one last time, and coughing until their spleen ruptures, they call their kids to tell them they love them. Finally, they realize there is a waiting line at Heaven’s Gates worse than O’Hare. What a day!

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