White House politely asks enemies to not start WWIII between 4pm and 10am
WASHINGTON, DC—In a move aimed at accommodating President* Biden's cognitive awareness schedule, the White House has formally requested that all...
CNN
BREAKING: Biden Hires Jeffrey Toobin to Help Him Become a “Master Debater”
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold move to enhance his debate skills ahead of the upcoming presidential election, President* Joe Biden has...
New rules for CNN debate: Trump will be in a sound-proof glass room and only be able to respond using sign language
ATLANTA—In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, CNN has announced that it will be implementing new rules for its...
Nation mourns horrible tragedy that mass shooter wasn’t white
(CNN) Thousands across the country are mourning the loss by the mainstream media of another chance to stoke the white...
BREAKING: Don Lemon marries notorious terrorist and ‘biggest threat to America’
NEW YORK CITY—Former CNN anchor Don Lemon has announced his marriage to notorious terrorist and "biggest threat to America," Tim...
BREAKING: CNN has called 666 of Ukraine’s 783 presidential primary delegates for Nikki Haley
KIEV—In a stunning turn of events, CNN has called 666 of Ukraine's 783 presidential primary delegates for former U.S. Ambassador...
Following revelation that Biden illegally willfully retained classified documents, Feds to indict Trump again
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to revelations that President Joe Biden has been willfully retaining classified documents, federal prosecutors have announced plans...
Nikki Haley wows townhall by chugging hot sauce to match ethnicity of every audience member
IOWA—CNN town hall audience and viewers were treated to a political first, as Nikki Haley kept reaching into her purse...
This Day in Fiery but Mostly-Peaceful History: Japan Bombs Pearl Harbor
(CNN) Japan launched a fiery but mostly peaceful attack on the United States at the Hawaiian naval base Pearl Harbor...
BREAKING: Fox News unanimously declares Jeb Bush Speaker of the House
WASHINGTON, DC—In a stunning and, some would say, bewildering turn of events, Fox News, the network known for its unique...
