Branch Covidians apply for official religion status
WASHINGTON DC—The Branch Covidian cult has applied to be recognized an official religion with the federal government. "We are just...
Year: 2020
People very eager to get multiple shots of new Russian COVID vaccine
MOSCOW—Russia plans to approve the world’s first COVID-19 vaccine in under two weeks – despite concerns about its safety and...
PETITION to have the first batch of COVID-19 vaccine shoved up Bill Gates’s ass
Fighting misinformation and conspiracy theories about the novel coronavirus has almost been as hard as battling the pandemic itself. And a new...
Harris will choose 10 lucky families for her ‘Universal Basic Incarceration’ program
Not to be outdone by Andrew Yang, who wants to give 10 lucky families $12,000 a year in universal basic...
CDC warns that COVID death toll may surpass Clinton body count
ATLANTA—As coronavirus cases have continued to rise in the U.S. throughout the summer, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention...
Cuomo named U-Haul’s #1 salesman for fifth consecutive year
NEW YORK—U-Haul has named Andrew Cuomo the #1 salesman of the year for the fifth consecutive year. It’s not just...
Archeologists discover first probable coronavirus victim
ATLANTA—Archeologists working in coordination with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have discovered the first probably coronavirus victim...
Breaking: Biden picks Kamala Harris to creepily sniff for the next three months
The decision is in! Finally. After months of painstakingly waiting the senile old vice president cum presidential hopeful picked his...
Biden decides Kamala Harris is ‘black enough’ to be his running mate
Joe Biden has finally decided Kamala Harris "black enough" to be his running mate for the 2020 presidential election. Biden...
Biden demands to know who he’s going to pick for VP
WASHINGTON DC—Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has demanded to know who he's going to pick for his vice presidential...
