MOSCOW—After receiving widespread condemnation for his invasion of Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin has opened up Russia’s very own Uyghur concentration camp to get back on everyone’s good side.

“Everyone in the West seems to love China,” Putin said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times. “I’m not sure what it is, so we’re going to try different China-y things like concentration camps of Uyghur ethnic minorities.”

The new camp, called “Uyghurs for Life,” already hosts thousands of political and religious prisoners, just like China’s. The prisoners are forced to manufacture cheap goods that Putin plans on selling on eBay.

“It’s really a win-win. We get all the Western countries back on our side and we get cheap labor,” Putin said.

Several global companies and media outlets have ended their boycotts since Putin announced the new camp.

“While we’re still not happy with the way Russia invaded Ukraine, we think that opening concentration camps like China means they want to be a part of the international community again–a true Open Society,” CNN CEO Chris Licht said.

The International Olympic Committee has dropped its boycott of Russia and has awarded Moscow the next Olympic Games in 2024.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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