BREAKING: Trump assures supporters that America always comes first right after Israel
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a thunderous Rose Garden address, President Donald Trump unveiled his boldest move yet: bombing Iran to “Make Israel...
Jeremy Spoken
None of the snowflakes in an avalanche feels responsible.
BREAKING: Kyle Rittenhouse searchlight is seen above Los Angeles amid riots
LOS ANGELES—In a surreal twist to the city’s latest riots, a massive Kyle Rittenhouse searchlight illuminated the Los Angeles skyline...
LAPD Chief offers to fly Kyle Rittenhouse to LA to help out during riots
LOS ANGELES, CA — In a stunning and totally not-made-up press conference this morning, LAPD Chief Jim McDonnell shocked the...
Swifties Vow to Endure Taylor Swift’s Horrible Music on Repeat to Fund Her Masters Buyback
In a bizarre twist that has the music world clutching its pearls and reaching for noise-canceling headphones, millions of Taylor...
BREAKING: New York City Replaces Statue of Liberty with Provocative ‘Statue of Black Karen’
NEW YORK CITY—In a shocking and divisive move, New York City unveiled the "Statue of Black Karen" on Liberty Island...
BREAKING: Trump to rename San Andreas Fault to ‘Joe Biden’s Fault’
In a seismic shakeup that’s rattling both geologists and late-night comedians, President Donald J. Trump announced today his plan to...
BREAKING: India bombs Pakistan after they refused to send their ‘bobs and vagene’
NEW DELHI—In a shocking escalation of South Asian tensions, India has reportedly launched a full-scale military offensive against Pakistan, codenamed...
Massachusetts Judge Bans Trump from Being President, Cites ‘Orange Man Bad’ Doctrine
A Municipal Judge in Suburban Township, Massachusetts, roughly twenty miles west of Boston, has issued a permanent nation-wide injunction on...
Congratulations to Portugal and Spain on accidentally achieving net zero before 2050
Lisbon/Madrid, April 29, 2025 – In a plot twist that has left climate scientists dumbfounded, tech bros unemployed, and candle...
BREAKING: Katy Perry declares herself pope after reading the Bible for 11 minutes
In a stunning turn of events that has left the Catholic Church reeling and Twitter ablaze, pop superstar Katy Perry...
