Mamdani Vows to ‘Solve the Homeless Problem with One More Deep Freeze’
NEW YORK CITY — In a press conference held amid swirling snow flurries and the faint scent of victory (or...
Robert L. Peters, Jr.
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BREAKING: Dangerous Cold Weather Closes Schools So Kids Can Go Sledding
In a stunning display of progressive parenting and climate awareness, public schools across the northern United States shuttered their doors...
Cinnabon Removes the ‘N’s’ to Prove they Aren’t Racist
Atlanta, GA – In a groundbreaking act of corporate virtue that no one asked for, Cinnabon announced Tuesday that it...
Congress To Fix Nation By Working Almost 100 Days Next Year
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold display of legislative masochism, House Minority Leader Steve Scalise proudly unveiled the 2026 Congressional...
TSA Implements Protective Measures for Passengers Seated Near Rep Brad Sherman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move praised by public-health experts and dry cleaners alike, the Transportation Security Administration announced Tuesday...
BREAKING: Wolf Wins Election With Huge Sheep & Chicken Vote
In what can only be described as animals gone wild, the wolf has won election to rule the farm. The...
BREAKING: Wars Breakout All Over Hell As Dick Cheney Welcomed In
HELL—In a development that has even the most jaded demons reaching for their pitchforks, Hell descended into unprecedented chaos this...
Trump Dedicates White House ‘Ball’room to Michelle Obama, Cites Bipartisan Appeal
Washington, D.C. – In a bid for what he termed "finally some positive press – believe me, it's overdue," President...
‘Medal Of Freedom For Capt. Kirk?, He’s Not Even Real Person’ Says Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—Democrats were furious Charlie Kirk was awarded the Congressional Medal of Freedom. It was so upsetting, MSNBC refused to...
Jay ‘It’s Okay to Kill Kids of Political Enemies’ Jones Draws Line at Dog Murder
RICHMOND, VA — In a stunning display of moral clarity, Virginia Attorney General nominee Jay Jones has taken a courageous...
