Exavier Saskagoochie

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!

FBI is seeking information related to the insurrectionist pictured here

Exavier Saskagoochie April 20, 2021

The FBI is seeking information that will assist in identifying the person pictured above who is actively instigating violence across...

UPS commits to burning half of your packages if Derek Chauvin is acquitted

Exavier Saskagoochie April 20, 2021

ATLANTA—UPS has increased the stakes in the woke corporation olympics. The package "delivery" service has committed to burning half of...

Minnesota 2021 spring Riot Season set to open this week

Exavier Saskagoochie April 19, 2021

MINNEAPOLIS—Minnesota's 2021 spring Riot Season is set to open in most areas of the state this week. Looters and rioters...

BREAKING: Fox News projects Hunter Biden to win the Pulitzer for stupid memoir

Exavier Saskagoochie April 16, 2021

DOOSHE, DE--Hunter Biden's heavily-promoted sex- and drug-filled memoir "Beautiful Things" has tanked in its first week on bookshelves, selling only...

Elon Musk buys Twitter for $30B and immediately deletes it

Exavier Saskagoochie April 15, 2021

AUSTIN—Business magnate Elon Musk has purchased the legacy social media platform Twitter for $30 billion and promptly deleted in his...

WARNING: COVID vaccine only works if you post a selfie of you getting it

Exavier Saskagoochie April 15, 2021

HOBOKEN, NJ—A spokesman for Pfizer Pharmaceuticals issued a warning for their new COVID-19 vaccine, which is currently being deployed around...

Mayor reminds citizens to wear BLM gear when burning city so the FBI won’t investigate

Exavier Saskagoochie April 14, 2021

PORTLAND, OR—City officials urged that rioters proudly display their Black Lives Matter gear while burning the city down in protest...

Biden announces universal castration in order to stop sexual assault and regulate ‘ghost penises’

Exavier Saskagoochie April 13, 2021

WASHINGTON, DC—President *Joe Biden announced major steps to address sexual assault today, using the executive authority to write laws. Biden announced six...