To be more inclusive, Disney fires only woman on ‘The Mandalorian’
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In an effort to be more inclusive, Disney has fired Gina Carano, the only female on their...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Dems schedule impeachment for every past and future Republican president
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the successful trial of former president Donald Trump, House Democrats have scheduled impeachment proceedings for every past and...
BREAKING: Trump replaces impeachment team with Zoom call cat lawyer
Former President Donald Trump was unhappy with his impeachment lawyer Bruce Castor's opening argument on the Senate floor Tuesday, two people familiar...
BREAKING: Chiefs win Super Bowl LV after scoring 6 touchdowns at 4 am when no one was watching
TAMPA BAY—The Kansas City Chiefs, along with the rest of the world, thought they had lost Super Bowl LV when...
BLM promises to ‘burn the whole motherf***er down’ if they don’t win the Nobel Peace Prize
WASHINGTON, DC—Black Lives Matter protestors took to the streets over the weekend after it was announced they were nominated for...
WOOPS: Puppet strings visible during Biden’s latest executive order signing
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has been no stranger to gaffs from the campaign to his adorable inability to put a pen...
Tlaib wins Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood
HOLLYWOOD—Representative Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) praised Allah in her acceptance speech after winning the Oscar for Best Imaginary Victimhood yesterday. The...
David Hogg launches MyPillow competition: MyDillow for small, mousy men
Parkland school shooting survivor and gun control advocate David Hogg plans to launch his own pillow company to compete with...
BREAKING: AOC recalls barely making it out alive of Ewok siege on Endor base
FOREST MOON—A teary-eyed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) on Monday recounted the horrifying events during the Ewok siege of the Galactic...
BREAKING: Thousands of immigrants heading to US to become victims of systemic racism
McALLEN, TX—A migrant caravan from Africa and Central America is heading for the United States to become victims of the...
