Evangelicals Finally Find a Graven Image They Can Worship
DORAL, FL — After centuries of staunchly opposing the veneration of religious statues — including centuries of criticism directed at...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Evangelicals Update the Bible: ‘Thou Shalt Have No Graven Images…Except If It’s Gold Plated and Owns the Libs’
DORAL, FL — Following a solemn blessing ceremony at Trump National Doral Miami, evangelical leaders announced a long-overdue clarification to...
Israel Celebrates US-Iran Peace Plan by Bombing the Hell Out of Lebanon
TEL AVIV — Israeli officials announced Thursday that a landmark peace initiative with Iran would be moving forward, marking the...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Jerry Jabba Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If I...
Judge Overturns Cole Allen’s Failed Assassination Attempt, Grants Him Chance to Retry
WASHINGTON — In a landmark ruling Tuesday, U.S. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui vacated the unsuccessful assassination attempt in the criminal...
Trump Announces Targeted Bombing of the Critical Infrastructure of Sen John Thune
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump declared Tuesday that the United States will launch targeted bombing campaigns against key infrastructure controlled by...
Somali Government to Honor World War 11 Veteran and Hero George Floyd
Mogadishu — The Somali Ministry of Defense announced Tuesday that it will posthumously award the Order of the Banana Star...
Spirit Halloween Officially Takes Over Spirit Airlines
MIRAMAR, Fla. — Spirit Airlines announced Tuesday that it has been acquired by Spirit Halloween in a deal valued at...
AOC Expresses Profound Relief After Ilhan Omar Claims ‘Dumbest Person in Congress’ Title
WASHINGTON — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) held a brief press availability Tuesday morning to announce that she is “finally at...
Study Finds There Are 11 Types of People in this World: Those who Understand Roman Numerals and Ilhan Omar
WASHINGTON — In a breakthrough that scholars are calling “both mathematically dubious and emotionally consistent,” a new report released Tuesday...
