CNN: The attacker was not a white MAGA Christian male so we’re not going to report on it
ATLANTA—In a stunning display of journalistic efficiency, CNN announced today that it would immediately cease coverage of a breaking news...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Mel Gibson starts filming Braveheart 2: the true story of 12-year-old girl fending off predatory migrants
Mel Gibson has reportedly set his sights on Dundee, Scotland, for the filming of "Braveheart 2: The Return of the...
Gavin Newsom gets bold makeover to ‘appear more presidential’
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom unveiled a dramatic new look this week, sporting a bleach-blond combover and a radiant spray tan...
Chicago Mayor vows to fight Trump if he tries to take away the right of his people to rape and murder each other
CHICAGO — In a fiery press conference, Mayor Brandon Johnson declared he is ready to “go to war” with former...
BREAKING: FBI Raids John Bolton’s Mustache in Pre-Dawn Operation
In a stunning escalation of federal overreach, the FBI conducted a dramatic 4 a.m. raid on former National Security Advisor...
After Backlash, Cracker Barrel Reverts to ‘Old-Timer’ Logo, Slaps Sydney Sweeney on for Good Measure
In a move that screams “we hear you, but also, please look at this shiny distraction,” Cracker Barrel Old Country...
Illegal Alien Who Killed 3 in Illegal U-Turn in Florida Surges to Top of 2028 Democratic Presidential Polls
In a plot twist that reads like a rejected Hollywood script, Harjinder Singh, an undocumented immigrant who scored a California...
BREAKING: Sadiq Khan Bans Assault Bacon in London, Declares City ‘Safe for Muslims’
LONDON—Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced a city-wide ban on "assault bacon," declaring it a public safety hazard and a bold...
Experts blame climate change for making them use cloud-seeding tech to cause massive flooding throughout US
NEW YORK—Government officials have blamed climate change for making them use cloud-seeding technology to cause massive flooding throughout the United...
BREAKING: Trump orders nuclear strike on DNC headquarters in effort to ‘clean up DC’
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented and shocking move, President Donald Trump authorized a low-yield nuclear strike on the Democratic National Committee...
