Stormtroopers Now Recruiting US Secret Service Agents After They Fail to Hit Would-Be Assassins Routh and Allen in 10 Shots
CORUSCANT — In a surprising move, the Galactic Empire announced today that it is actively recruiting members of the United...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Ilhan Omar Panics Over Missing 4pm Meeting, Because It’s ‘Already One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven O’Clock!’
Washington, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) expressed growing concern Tuesday afternoon after glancing at a conference room clock and...
BREAKING: People who have been calling for violence targeting Trump for 10 years ‘shocked’ of all the violence targeting Trump
WASHINGTON — Prominent Democrats expressed profound surprise and concern Monday following yet another assassination attempt on President Donald J. Trump...
US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all of them have come true
US—The United States declared a national emergency Tuesday after intelligence agencies confirmed what had long been whispered in dimly lit...
Israel’s Pride Festival Near Ancient Site of Sodom and Gomorrah Cancelled Over 85% Chance of Fire and Brimstone
DEAD SEA REGION – Organizers of the “Rainbow Renaissance Festival,” scheduled for next month adjacent to the traditional location of...
Ilhan Omar Quietly Shuts Down Her “Quality Winary Center” as Ethics Scrutiny Intensifies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move described by aides as “a routine operational adjustment,” Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) has discreetly...
BREAKING: Eric Swalwell resigns from Congress for stuff he totally didn’t do
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that surprised absolutely no one paying attention, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.) announced his...
Swalwell Transitions to Black Woman, Prompting Immediate Dismissal of All Sexual Assault Allegations
WASHINGTON — Facing mounting calls to drop out of the California gubernatorial race after four women accused him of sexual...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris ‘Seriously Thinking About’ Losing Again in 2028
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has sent mild ripples through the Democratic Party’s already exhausted support base, sources...
Canada reveals new fully-inclusive LGBTQ+ acronym with 8 billion characters
Canadian activist group Identititarian Linguists Lithograph (ILL) have published a book containing the latest, most inclusive acronym for the LGBTQQIX2+...
