JUST IN: Brave young Democrat influencers cut off their testicles in protest of Trump
In an unprecedented display of political fervor, a group of young, progressive activists known as the "Brave Democrats" - comprised...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Gen Z Olympics: Dutch Unknown Casually Scrolls Past Germany to Win Inaugural 200 m Doomscroll Gold
PARIS (GT) – In a result that has left German sports psychologists quietly scheduling emergency sessions, an unheralded 23-year-old from...
BREAKING: Keir Starmer orders arrest of everyone who says the UK doesn’t have free speech
UK—UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has announced a sweeping new policy to “defend the sacred principle of free speech” by...
97% of climate scientists agree that we only have 18 months to save their jobs
An international body of nearly 100 climate scientists convened by the United Nations have issued a stern warning to the...
AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the...
Federal Judge Blocks Trump’s Turkey Pardon, Orders Him to “Personally Slaughter the Bird Live on Television”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning rebuke of long-standing holiday tradition, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole issued an emergency ruling...
Bondi Vows to ‘Fully Honor’ Epstein File Transparency by Ensuring Zero Arrests from Released Documents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move hailed by legal scholars as “the most transparent non-prosecution in American history,” Attorney General...
Michigan Bans ‘Assault Bacon’ Following Dearborn Melee
LANSING, MI – In a bold move to protect public safety and promote interfaith harmony, Governor Gretchen Whitmer signed an...
Ask Your Provider About Switching to Genesius Times
Do you like your satire but have been noticing some "discomfort?" Maybe you should ask your provider about switching to...
Babylon Bee changes name to The MaccaBee: Christian Zionist Satire
The Babylon Bee – that erstwhile beacon of evangelical eye-rolls – has officially shed its insectile moniker for The MaccaBee,...
