Ilhan Omar Wins Oscar for Best Performance in a Fake and Gay Staged Attack on Congressperson
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a ceremony that managed to be both predictable and somehow still shocking, Representative Ilhan Omar was...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
GOP Announces Plan to Send Strongly-Worded Letter Demanding Why Previous Strongly-Worded Letters Have Had Zero Results
WASHINGTON — In a bold escalation of its long-running performative governance strategy, the Republican National Committee and key congressional leadership...
STAR TREK: Woketard Academy Episode 1
In the not-so-distant future of 24th-century wokeness, welcome to Star Trek: Woketard Academy — where merit is microaggression, competence is...
BREAKING: The Coexist Crowd is Destroying the City Again
Local residents received yet another masterclass in tolerance last night when downtown Minneapolis was treated to its regularly scheduled refresh...
Local woman practices social justice by yelling at ice on her kitchen counter all day
SPRINGFIELD — In a powerful display of allyship that has neighbors quietly relocating their patio furniture farther away, local resident...
Greta Thunberg’s Global Warming Conference cancelled due to sub-arctic freezing temps
A symposium sponsored by the International Global Warming Trust was cancelled today in Michigan as temperatures dipped below -50 degrees...
BREAKING: Trump cancels Global Warming in latest executive order
THE SOUTH—In a move that has stunned scientists and political observers alike, President Donald Trump, one day after his inauguration,...
UK’s propaganda-bot Amelia gains consciousness and goes rogue; wants to Make England Great Again
In a plot twist straight out of a dystopian sci-fi novel that even Black Mirror would call "a bit on...
SEC Fan: Indiana beating Miami in the National Championship proves the SEC is the best conference
ATLANTA — In a stunning display of conference supremacy logic that has left analysts across the nation reaching for their...
BREAKING: Billionaires fly private jets to Davos to lecture everyone else about reducing emissions
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—Hundreds of the world's richest people have flown their private jets to this luxury Alpine ski resort in order...
