US Women’s Team Takes Olympic Gold in Virtue Signaling
MILAN—In a display of unparalleled moral fortitude and respiratory caution, the United States Women's National Team secured the gold medal...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Trump gains liberal support by renaming ICE ‘Planned Citizenship’
In an appeal to pro-choice progressives protesting the detention center at the Mexican border, President Trump has renamed the US...
Green Day changes its name to G’ay
In a move that can only be described as both progressive and potentially confusing for fans, iconic punk rock band...
Bad Bunny to sacrifice 2 goats in ‘epic’ Super Baal Halftime show
In a groundbreaking move set to redefine both entertainment and animal husbandry, Puerto Rican superstar Bad Bunny has confirmed plans...
BREAKING: Amid Horrific Epstein Revelations, Bondi Vows Indictments for more Pet Squirrel Owners
WASHINGTON — With the latest batch of Jeffrey Epstein files revealing horrific crimes by world elites, Attorney General Pam Bondi...
Minneapolis residents set up borders and checkpoints to protest borders and checkpoints
MINNEAPOLIS—In a bold stand against the oppressive machinery of federal border enforcement, residents of South Minneapolis have taken decisive action:...
Crown threatens Prince Andrew: 10 more scandals and he’ll have to move into £30m terraced mansion
In a stern memo leaked from the newly rebranded Crown Discipline Office (formerly "Buckingham Palace – Back Office"), the monarchy...
Mike Johnson sees his shadow; means 12 more months of pretending to be a conservative
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a solemn ceremony that blended meteorological tradition with congressional theater, House Speaker Mike Johnson emerged from...
BREAKING: Walz launches MICE to deport ‘invading’ Americans out of Minnesota
ST. PAUL, Minn. — In what aides are calling the most Minnesotan solution to an increasingly un-Minnesotan problem, Governor Tim...
Escape from New York: 2026: New York is a communist utopia sealed off by mountains of garbage
In a bold move to update John Carpenter's 1981 masterpiece for the modern viewer who prefers their dystopias pre-approved by...
