Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Mamdani Opens New NYC Restaurant Allowing Comrades to Literally ‘Eat the Rich’
New York, NY – Mayor Zohran Mamdani proudly cut the ribbon today on The Guillotine Grill, the city’s first municipally...
BREAKING: Lindsey Graham Dies After Accidentally Uttering the Word “Peace”
WASHINGTON — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), 71, a steadfast advocate for robust American engagement abroad, died Saturday evening after what...
Travis Kelce Announces Pregnancy Just Days after Marrying Taylor Swift
NEW YORK—Travis Kelce, the Kansas City Chiefs tight end, confirmed Friday that he is expecting his first child with Taylor...
Sneak Peak of The Odyssey with Samuel L. Jackson as Helen of Troy
LOS ANGELES — In what studio executives are calling “a daring subversion of Western literature,” Warner Bros. has confirmed that...
Senate GOP Having Great Weekend at Mitch’s
In a development that surprised no one familiar with modern American politics, Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-SD) and longtime...
Graham Platner Comes Out as Muslim Transwoman; All Allegations Immediately Dropped
WASHINGTON — Graham Platner, who converted to Islam earlier Tuesday and saw all pending legal cases against him dismissed, announced...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Confirmed Brain Dead, So Nothing New
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors at a Washington hospital confirmed Tuesday that Senator Mitch McConnell is clinically brain dead, prompting a...
Marco Rubio Tapped as Lone Referee for U.S.-Belgium World Cup Match
SEATTLE — FIFA officials announced Monday that U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio will serve as the sole referee for...
Trump Unveils His Own Bust on Mount Rushmore in Surprise Ceremony
KEYSTONE, S.D. — Former and possibly future President Donald J. Trump marked Independence Day by adding his likeness to Mount...
