BREAKING: Disney names P. Diddy new CEO citing appeal with children
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—In a surprising move, Disney has announced that music mogul P. Diddy—who now goes by the pseudonym...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Federal Judge Hugh Jassole orders Trump to rebuild Iranian nuclear sites
In a ruling that has left legal scholars, political analysts, and late-night comedians scratching their heads, Federal Judge Hugh Jassole...
Nation celebrates Juneteenth when the government freed slaves from the plantation and made them slaves to the state
US—Americans across the country came together on June 19th to celebrate the momentous occasion of Juneteenth - the day when...
Walmart pulls Fried Chicken & Watermelon ‘Juneteenth’ ice cream after backlash
LOS ANGELES—Walmart has apologized for the Juneteenth items that its selling at its stores, specifically the Watermelon & Fried Chicken...
WNBA installs new mid-court wrestling ring to help players pummel Caitlin Clark
The WNBA has unveiled a regulation wrestling ring at center court for all games, designed explicitly to let players “pummel”...
BREAKING: Iran reveals ‘historic surprise’ is actually just a nation-wide kebab festival starting today
After last night’s cryptic vow of a “surprise the world will remember for centuries,” Iran revealed today that the big...
Democrats take a break from worshipping a fentanyl-addict as a god to say they don’t want a king
Democrats have briefly stepped away from their hallowed George Floyd shrines—complete with votive candles and murals of dubious artistic merit—to...
Leave Every Light in the House On and the Doors Open and Other Great Gift Ideas for Father’s Day
Dads are notoriously difficult to shop for, so we're thinking a little outside of the box with these gifts! Each...
Porn star to throw in a little singing in her next porno
In a move that has left both the adult film industry and her former Disney fanbase utterly baffled, pop sensation-turned-porn...
Protesters firebomb the country they live in and hate so they aren’t deported and have to go back to the country they love
LOS ANGELES—In a dazzling display of logic-defying activism, anti-ICE protesters turned the streets of Los Angeles into a blazing paradox...
