BREAKING: OJ Simpson led police on a low speed chase in extended cab white Bronco hearse to funeral
LOS ANGELES—OJ Simpson, the infamous former football star, led police on a slow and low speed chase on the 410...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Gavin Newsom threatens to blot out the sun again if we don’t sacrifice a million babies to climate goddess Greta Thunberg this year
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom has issued an ultimatum to the world: sacrifice 1 million babies to climate goddess Greta Thunberg...
RIP Karine “Wanda” Jean-Pierre
In loving memory of Karine Jean-Pierre, also known as "Wanda', the dynamic and unforgettable actress who stole our hearts on...
BREAKING: Don Lemon marries notorious terrorist and ‘biggest threat to America’
NEW YORK CITY—Former CNN anchor Don Lemon has announced his marriage to notorious terrorist and "biggest threat to America," Tim...
BREAKING: Wisconsin Gov signs into law allowing minors to chop off their arms if they identify as a T-Rex
MADISON, WI—In an unprecedented move that has sent shockwaves through the political and social landscape, Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers has...
BREAKING: pictures of Michelle Obama pregnant have been discovered
MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the political and social landscape, it has been discovered...
BREAKING: April Fool’s Day cancelled because reality is so ridiculous
US President* Joe Biden has cancelled the national holiday April Fool's Day due to severe competition from the ridiculousness of...
BREAKING: Congress works through weekend to finally pass a balanced budget at 3am on April 1st
Congress has managed to pass a balanced budget at 3am on April 1st, thanks to the bipartisan efforts of House...
Biden to hang 6 Easter Bunnies in honor of Trans Visibility Day
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, President Joe Biden has announced that he will be personally hanging six Easter...
Biden wishes everyone a ‘Merry Thanksgiving!’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has inadvertently confused the nation by wishing everyone a "Merry Thanksgiving" on Easter Sunday. The gaffe,...
