MEMORIAL DAY: Nation mourns George Floyd who died when his spaceship exploded in 2020
US—This Memorial Day, the nation is mourning NASA legend George Floyd who died two years ago when his spaceship exploded...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
WNBA Suspends Star Player Caitlyn Clark for Being Too White and Straight
INDIANAPOLIS—The Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) has imposed sanctions on their most popular player, Caitlyn Clark, for the heinous crime...
BREAKING: US nurses preparing for deadly bird flu epidemic by practicing nonstop on their TikTok dances
US—Health care professionals across the globe have been working overtime to prepare for the impending bird flu epidemic – not...
Millions saddened to hear that Klaus Schwab did not die
Millions of people around the world were saddened to hear the news that Klaus Schwab, the founder and executive chairman...
Zelensky forms one-party authoritarian dictatorship in order to save democracy
KYIV—Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky has announced the banning of Ukraine’s main opposition party and ten others in order to save...
BREAKING: Pope Francis excommunicates Harrison Butker for being ‘too Catholic’
VATICAN—Pope Francis has announced that he is personally excommunicating Kansas City Chiefs' kicker Harrison Butker from the Catholic Church for...
STUNNING: Chet and Jabba the Hutt cover SI 2022 swimsuit issue
US—Chet and Jabba the Hutt have reached new career peaks: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover star. "It's hard to even...
BREAKING: Biden challenges Trump to a diaper-filling contest
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has challenged former President Donald Trump to a diaper-filling contest, igniting a fierce battle between the...
Biden draws his largest rally ever in Del Rio, Texas
DEL RIO, TEXAS—Thousands of illegal immigrants, mostly from Haiti, are congregating under an international bridge in the largest rally ever for...
BREAKING: Trump indicted for drawing 100,000 people to rally
WILDWOOD, New Jersey—In a shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump has been indicted for the heinous crime of...
