Pam Bondi’s Pedometer Stuck On ‘0’ Despite Busy Day of Pacing the Halls of Justice
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has left fitness trackers across the capital utterly perplexed, U.S. Attorney General Pam...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
SHOCK: Former Prince Andrew Has Tragically Died in Car Crash Next Week
LONDON – In a development that has left the globe reeling with predictable astonishment, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor—formerly known to the world...
Mitch McConnell blinks twice to indicate vehement opposition to SAVE America Act
Washington, D.C. — In a dramatic escalation of nonverbal parliamentary procedure, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today registered his...
SCOTUS rules that the federal government can only tax Americans to death—not other countries
In a landmark 6-3 decision handed down today, the Supreme Court clarified once and for all that the federal government...
Prince Andrew Converts to Islam; Police Immediately Drop All Charges
LONDON—In a move described by royal watchers as "bold, innovative, and suspiciously timed," Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly known as Prince Andrew,...
BREAKING: Several of the Fighting Antifa Group sprain their wrists raising their fist in power salute
PORTLAND—In what medical experts are quietly calling “peak performative socialism,” multiple frontline activists from the Fighting Antifa Group Society (FAGS)...
Obama dismisses critics who say his presidential library looks like a giant portable toilet
CHICAGO — Former President Barack Obama today brushed aside mounting criticism that his long-awaited presidential library resembles an enormous portable...
Trans Rep. McBride Wins ‘Mansplainer of the Year’ Award for Keynote at ‘What It’s Like to Be a Woman’ Conference
WASHINGTON — In a ceremony described by organizers as “both historic and inevitable,” Delaware Rep. Sarah McBride was awarded the...
Democrats Slam Trump Over Alarming Plunge in Murder Rate Across the Country
WASHINGTON — Party leaders expressed grave concern today as fresh data revealed the national murder rate has plummeted to levels...
Democrats warn that if the SAVE Act passes, it will disenfranchise millions of dead voters
WASHINGTON — In a passionate press conference held outside the Capitol today, leading Democrats sounded the alarm over the controversial...
