Carney Threatens to Move Entire Country of Canada to Europe
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney announced Monday that Canada intends to leave the continent. “We are not looking to...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Netflix releases documentary on Lindsay Clancy Jury Holdout
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix announced Monday that it has acquired rights to a six-part documentary series focused not on...
9/11 Drone Show to Recreate Perfectly Intact Hijacker Passport Escaping Fiery Inferno
WASHINGTON — The Department of Homeland Security on Friday approved a multi-act commemorative drone display for the 25th anniversary of...
Local Wife Poised to Win Husband’s Fantasy Football League Again After Making Zero Moves All Season
US—A local woman is once again the early favorite to win her husband’s 12-team fantasy football league, according to last...
McConnell Eyes Next Week for First Senate Appearance Since Dying Eight Weeks Ago
WASHINGTON — Senate Republicans are preparing for Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) to return to the Capitol next week, his first...
Democrats Promise $5,001 to Every America if They Win the Majority in Midterms
WASHINGTON — Democratic leaders said Wednesday that every American would receive $5,001 if the party secures a majority in the...
Mayor Mamdani to Host Inaugural Dueling Jenga Competition at 9/11 Memorial
NEW YORK — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced Wednesday that the city will host its first official “Dueling Jenga Invitational” at...
Travis Kelce first NFL player to miss opener because he’s pregnant
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Travis Kelce will miss the Chiefs’ season opener after team physicians confirmed he is pregnant, making...
Men Can Totally Get Pregnant, but They Can’t Have an Opinion About Postpartum Depression Because They Can’t Get Pregnant
I need everyone to sit down, drink some water, and stop treating other people’s uteruses like a group chat they...
Local dad proud of the beautiful grass he grew out of a crack in the driveway
US—A local father announced Monday that he has finally successfully grown “really nice grass,” pointing to a three-inch clump of...
