BREAKING: Billionaires fly private jets to Davos to lecture everyone else about reducing emissions
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—Hundreds of the world's richest people have flown their private jets to this luxury Alpine ski resort in order...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Trump identifies as ‘3rd World migrant rapist’ to get European leaders to just give him Greenland
COPENHAGEN / MAR-A-LAGO – In what political scientists are already calling “the most efficient diplomatic judo move of the 21st...
Gov Walz: ‘If Trump doesn’t turn down the temperature, I’m going to k*ll him with my bare f*cking hands’
ST. PAUL, MN — In what sources close to the governor are calling “a very measured escalation in temperature lowering,”...
BREAKING: France Eager to Join Denmark-US Conflict So They Can Surrender to Someone Soon
PARIS — In a move described by diplomats as “both proactive and deeply traditional,” the French government has formally expressed...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
BREAKING: Imprisoned Venezuelan Dictator Nicolás Maduro surges into 3rd place in 2028 Democratic primary race
WASHINGTON — In a development political analysts are calling “both inevitable and deeply cursed,” imprisoned Venezuelan strongman Nicolás Maduro has...
Leftists Protest new MAHA Food Pyramid by Staging ‘Processed-Carbs-Only’ Sit-in Marathon
WASHINGTON, DC—Dozens of activists gathered on the National Mall today to protest the newly released Dietary Guidelines for Americans, 2025-2030,...
Trump on a Roll: Mamdani Captured and Flown Out of NYC Following ‘Large Scale’ US Attack
NEW YORK — In what White House officials are already calling “Operation Very Tremendous,” U.S. special forces early this morning...
‘No Kings’ protesters demand dictator Maduro be restored to power in Venezuela
Seattle, WA — In a display of unwavering commitment to sovereignty abroad while maintaining flexible standards at home, participants from...
BREAKING: Mamdani opens NYC’s first forced labor camp to generate that ‘warmth of collectivism’
New York, NY – In an innovative push to combat urban apathy and boost communal bonds, City Council Member Zohran...
