Zelensky promises Pelosi she will get her cut of the money laundering paid in vodka
KYIV—Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has promised that US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will get her cut of the...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden crowns Nina Jankowicz the 2022 ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has crowned Nina Jankowicz the 2022 Miss Information, displacing last year's winner, Jen "Ball" Psaki. Jankowicz is...
Violators of Biden’s new disinformation policy will be forced to listen to Nina Jankowicz sing for 66 straight hours
US—When DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas announced the Biden administration's Disinformation Governance Board this week, it was unclear exactly what penalty...
To save black lives, Biden orders menthol factories to start providing abortions instead cigarettes
WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to help the black community and save black lives, the Biden administration announced its intention today...
BREAKING: People who think men can get pregnant are worried Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter
US—People who think men can get pregnant are worried that Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter, sources say. "We're...
Jack Dorsey launches ‘Bitter’ for all disaffected liberals who’ve left Twitter
SILICON VALLEY—Former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has launched "Bitter", the social media app for all disaffected liberals who have left...
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Twitter destroying docs before Elon Musk invasion
Genesius Times have uncovered exclusive video footage of Twitter executives burning documents related to their censorship algorithm before Elon Musk...
BREAKING: Elon Musk opens salt mine sourced only from liberal tears following Twitter acquisition
AUSTIN—Tesla CEO Elon Musk is venturing into new businesses. He is now selling salt sourced solely from liberal tears following...
BREAKING: CNN+ has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton
ATLANTA—CNN's streaming service CNN+ has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to...
CNN introduces CNN- where users can pay $99 a month to not see any CNN content
ATLANTA—Following the demise of the streaming service CNN+, CNN is introducing CNN- where users can pay $15 a month to...
