Virginia’s new governor recklessly allows children to breathe freely all day
(CNN) We knew it would be bad, but we didn't know it would be this bad. Virginia's new Republican Governor...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
Biden changes name to Emperor Palbiden, establishes Galactic Empire
WASHINGTON, DC—In a rare press conference, President* Biden said that he has officially changed his name to Emperor Palbiden and...
Greta Thunberg screams at Tonga volcano recklessly violating climate change regulation
TONGA—Just a day after Time Magazine named her "Person of the Year," Greta Thunberg was fighting climate change, this time...
Biden deploys 2 AT-ATs to defend White House against ‘rebel scum’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has deployed two All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) vehicles to the White House to defend against "rebel...
BREAKING: Supreme Court rules the Constitution doesn’t apply to nurses
US—The US Supreme Court had ruled that the Constitution doesn't apply to healthcare workers and that nurses and physicians can...
BREAKING: Omicron surpasses Alec Baldwin in leading causes of death in US
US—The Center for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) reported today that the COVID Omicron variant has surpassed Alec Baldwin in...
Fauci now recommends face masks over your eyes so you can’t read his leaked emails
WASHINGTON, DC—A treasure trove of emails from National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) Director Dr. Anthony Fauci’s were...
Fauci releases new book: ‘Everything I Don’t Like is Medical Misinformation’
WASHINGTON, DC—It seemed that Dr. Anthony Fauci was on the ropes in the latest exchange between Dr. Rand Paul and...
French PM Macron face masks can stop guillotines
PARIS—Anti-tyranny protesters rallied in cities across France on Saturday, denouncing President Emmanuel Macron and threatening to "get Enlightenmented on his...
Pfizer CEO says Omicron vaccine will be ready just in time for it to be completely useless
US—Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla on Monday said a vaccine that targets the Omicron variant of COVID will be ready in March, just in...
