WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has foiled the January 6 insurrection plot devised by the FBI, US Attorney General* Merrick Garland said in a press conference.
“We are pleased to announce that the FBI has discovered the cause of the January 6th insurrection and that it’s the white supremacy instigators that work for the FBI,” Garland said.
“This was an attempt by some—I want to be very careful to not ascribe it to all because every case is different, but there was an attempt to interfere with the fundamental passing—element of our democracy, the peaceful transfer of power by the very same people who orchestrated every major terrorist attack on our soil—the FBI,” Garland said.
“At first we were like, this is going to be very difficult to figure out who devised this. And then one of our agents said, ‘No it won’t because we devised it!'” Garland said with a chuckle.
The FBI has been astounding in their ability to uncover crimes that they have committed, such as the Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping, the Boston Marathon bombing, the Colonial Pipeline hacking, and the Oklahoma City bombing.
In related news, the CIA has foiled the ISIS threat that they created and the NIH has solved the mystery of COVID, which they created.