PARIS, FRANCE—French Prime Minister Jean Castex announced today that almost a year after fighting one of the world’s deadliest viruses, France has surrendered unconditionally to COVID-19.

“This is a sad day for the French people,” Castex said. “When COVID-19 first hit our shores, we tried to deal with the virus diplomatically, and I met with the virus in person and we came to a mutual peace agreement. Following our meeting I spoke to the French people and assured them that we had achieved ‘peace for our time’.”

“But that was only temporary and short-lived, since as you know, we have a tradition dating back centuries that whenever there’s a major fight to be had against someone or something that poses a danger to mankind, we pretend to put up a fight but then surrender shortly thereafter. From WWII to COVID-19, I didn’t want to break that sacred tradition.”

Following its surrender, COVID-19 took over the entire country, declared martial law, and imprisoned anyone who opposed the Chinese Communist Party.

Rafi Metz

Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.

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