WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a scene reminiscent of the Vatican conclave, white smoke billowed from the chimneys of the White House early this morning, signaling that the Deep State has finally chosen a new puppet to run the government.

Crowds gathered outside the historic residence, holding their breath in anticipation. Reporters from all major networks were on high alert, eagerly awaiting the announcement of the new figurehead who would steer the country while shadowy figures continued to pull the strings behind the scenes.

The ceremony began with a solemn procession of Deep State officials, each draped in ceremonial cloaks, as they entered the White House. After hours of secretive deliberations, the signal everyone was waiting for appeared: plumes of white smoke rising from the chimney, confirming that a new puppet had been selected.

“We are thrilled to introduce the new leader who will carry out the vision and directives of the Deep State,” announced Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, beaming with excitement. “The selection process was rigorous, ensuring that the chosen individual is pliable, easily manipulated, and perfectly aligned with our clandestine agenda.”

The identity of the new puppet remains shrouded in mystery, as the Deep State has yet to reveal their chosen one. However, speculation is rife. Names like Oprah Winfrey, Mark Zuckerberg, and even a surprise return of Hillary Clinton are circulating among pundits and political insiders.

Sources close to the Deep State hint that the new leader was chosen based on a combination of public appeal, media influence, and a demonstrated willingness to follow orders without question. “It’s not about who the people want,” whispered one anonymous source. “It’s about who we can control.”

In an unprecedented move, the Deep State also released a statement to the public. “We understand that this process may seem unconventional, but rest assured, it is for the greater good. Our new puppet will ensure that the status quo is maintained and that our interests are safeguarded. Trust us, we know what’s best for the nation.”

As the news spread, reactions were mixed. Supporters of the outgoing administration expressed relief, hoping that the new leader would bring stability and continuity. Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists had a field day, their theories seemingly validated by this very public display of Deep State influence.

Former President Donald Trump took to Truth Social to voice his concerns. “I told you the Deep State was real! Now they’ve made it official. Sad!” he posted, garnering millions of likes and shares within minutes.

The political world is now in a state of anticipation, waiting for the grand reveal of the new puppet. In the meantime, the white smoke continues to drift into the sky, a symbol of the opaque forces guiding the nation’s future.

As America holds its breath, one thing is clear: the Deep State’s grip on power remains as firm as ever, and their latest selection process has only reinforced their control. Whether this new puppet will bring change or merely perpetuate the status quo remains to be seen, but one thing is certain — the spectacle of democracy has taken on a whole new meaning.

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