Business

Elon Musk buys Motel 6 to build first motel on Mars

Gumpers May 13, 2022

CARROLTON, TX—Elon Musk announced the purchase of Motel 6 from the Blackstone Group, this morning. He said the nationwide, popular...

Biden promises to fix baby formula shortage by sending more weapons to Ukraine

Exavier Saskagoochie May 12, 2022

WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden addressed the "shocking" baby formula shortage in the US by sending more weapons to Ukraine. "Really...

Zelensky assures US that 10% of $40B aid package will go to the ‘Big Guy’

Exavier Saskagoochie May 11, 2022

KYIV—Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has agreed to a peace deal effectively ending the Ukraine-Russia war immediately following the deposit of...

Elon Musk secretly buys 51% of all passwords, will soon control internet

Gumpers May 6, 2022

ZURICH—The GPO, Global Password Organization, announced on May 5th, World Password Day, that Elon Musk, the SpaceX and Tesla entrepreneur,...

three ruching to get abortion before Roe is overturned

Women rushing to get pregnant so they can have abortion before SCOTUS overturns Roe

Jeremy Spoken May 3, 2022

US—Women everywhere are rushing to get pregnant so they can have an abortion out of fear SCOTUS will overturn Roe...

BREAKING: People who think men can get pregnant are worried Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter

Exavier Saskagoochie April 27, 2022

US—People who think men can get pregnant are worried that Elon Musk will allow misinformation on Twitter, sources say. "We're...

Jack Dorsey launches ‘Bitter’ for all disaffected liberals who’ve left Twitter

Exavier Saskagoochie April 27, 2022

SILICON VALLEY—Former Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey has launched "Bitter", the social media app for all disaffected liberals who have left...

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Twitter destroying docs before Elon Musk invasion

Exavier Saskagoochie April 25, 2022

Genesius Times have uncovered exclusive video footage of Twitter executives burning documents related to their censorship algorithm before Elon Musk...