Mystery Solved: Drones Only Orbiting Chris Christie They Mistook For Home Planet
TRENTON, NJ—In a revelation that has both amused and baffled New Jersey residents, government officials have finally cracked the case...
Health
Local white supremacist protesters demand figgy pudding and won’t go ‘until we get some’
Several suburbs across the metropolitan area have been besieged by live action role-players protesting seemingly random homes with demands of...
Following traumatic fall, Mitch McConnell says he will continue to stare blankly into space as senator
Washington D.C. - In a scene that could only be described as a blend of slapstick comedy and political theater,...
Rep. Adam Schiff has died at the age of 64 after long battle with TDS
Representative Adam Bennett Schiff has died at the age of 64 after a long battle with a severe case of...
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
Transwomen complain about uniforms crushing their balls during dominating performance
PARIS—The Chinese track and field team that recently dominated the high jump at the 2024 Paris Olympics weren't all smiles—there...
CNN: How Biden’s global thermonuclear war could be great for your skin
In the beauty world, achieving a glowing complexion is the ultimate goal. And what better way to get that radiant...
REPORT: 15 million Biden voters tragically died again before they could vote for Kamala Harris
Washington, D.C. — In an unexpected turn of events, the Harris campaign was dealt a heavy blow today as it...
WARNING: Call your doctor if your election is painful or lasts longer than 4 days
US—Physicians across the country are recommending a little red pill that does wonders for your election but warn that if...
BREAKING: Biden devours several children in playful new Halloween sacrifice ritual at White House
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has been caught on camera devouring several children in a new Halloween sacrifice tradition at the...
