Leftists Protest new MAHA Food Pyramid by Staging ‘Processed-Carbs-Only’ Sit-in Marathon
WASHINGTON, DC—Dozens of activists gathered on the National Mall today to protest the newly released Dietary Guidelines for Americans, 2025-2030,...
Health
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
JUST IN: Brave young Democrat influencers cut off their testicles in protest of Trump
In an unprecedented display of political fervor, a group of young, progressive activists known as the "Brave Democrats" - comprised...
Sacrifice a human and 7 more ways to not be a bigot on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
Everyone knows that if you celebrate Columbus Day, you're a Nazi bigot, so that's why most woke cultures and municipalities...
AOC: If you take Tylenol PM while pregnant, your child will only be autistic at night
America, we’ve been played. Big Pharma’s been slipping us the oldest trick in their corporate playbook, and it’s time to...
Thousands of depressed, obese, suicidal asthmatics demand RFK Jr stop ‘endangering our health!’
US—In a stunning display of collective wheezing, thousands of self-described “depressed, obese, suicidal asthmatics” gathered outside the Capitol yesterday to...
BREAKING: Biden’s proctologist Hillarina Clintosky says he has aggressive form of prostate cancer
In a medical bombshell that’s sent shockwaves through the Beltway and X’s meme factories, President Joe Biden’s personal proctologist, Dr....
Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good
Listen up, America, because I’ve got a PhD in PhDs and a bone to pick with the anti-poison hysterics—namely, Robert...
BREAKING: NYPD Chief Turns into Zombie Following Bite From Democrat Councilwoman at Protest
Frank DiGiacomo, deputy chief of Patrol Brooklyn South, turned into a zombie after Councilwoman Susan Zhuang (D) bit him on...
Catholic Nuns Cure ADHD With Simple Life Hack
US—In a groundbreaking revelation that has left the scientific community red-faced and Catholic school alumni smirking, a coalition of nuns...
