Gov. Cuomo working on resurrecting 89 deceased nursing home patients to gain back House seat
NEW YORK—After the Census reported that NY is set to lose a seat in the
Health
CDC says you can now peak your head out from your self-imposed prison once a day
NEW YORK (AP) — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) said Tuesday that
Bill Gates wins Oscar for best villain in real life
HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for
Tylenol recalled after someone who took it tripped over his owns shoes, then fell into a coma
WASHINGTON, DC—The Food and Drug Administration issued a recall today on the distribution of Tylenol
WARNING: COVID vaccine only works if you post a selfie of you getting it
HOBOKEN, NJ—A spokesman for Pfizer Pharmaceuticals issued a warning for their new COVID-19 vaccine, which
Biden announces universal castration in order to stop sexual assault and regulate ‘ghost penises’
WASHINGTON, DC—President *Joe Biden announced major steps to address sexual assault today, using the executive authority to
BREAKING: United Airlines now hiring blind people to be pilots
US—United Airlines announced today that it’s now hiring blind people to be pilots. The announcement
Colleges dump SAT for much more accurate parmesan cheese-smoking intelligence test
US—Colleges across the country are ditching the Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) for their standard entrance
BREAKING: US military to accept people who identify as good soldiers but are biologically no-skill fat slobs
WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on