Nation shocked to learn a fire department that prioritizes diversity and inclusion over fighting fires can’t fight fires
Los Angeles, CA - In a revelation that has left many residents and observers flabbergasted, the Los Angeles Fire Department...
Newsbeat
‘We’ve run out of water to fight the Palisades Fire’ says governor of state next to the Pacific Ocean
LOS ANGELES—California Governor Gavin Newsom and LA Fire Chief Kristin Crowley held a press conference with the backdrop of the...
BREAKING: Brave LA Fire Chief Kristin Crowley is using only gay water to fight Palisades Fire
LOS ANGELES—In nod to her main focus of diversity, inclusion, and equity (DEI), Los Angeles Fire Chief Kristin Crowley announced...
Fact-checkers deny claims that Mark Zuckerberg is putting an end to fact-checkers
MENLO PARK, CA — In a twist that could only be described as a plotline from a dystopian tech thriller,...
BREAKING: Feds host January 6 ‘reunion party’ with special guest Ray Epps
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI are hosting a January 6 reunion party with special guest Ray Epps to commemorate their insurrection. Today...
BREAKING: Biden bans all trucks after 2 commit terrorist attacks New Years Eve
Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented move, President* Joe Biden has announced plans to ban trucks across the United States...
BREAKING: Ilhan Omar offers condolences to family of ISIS-linked New Orleans terrorist
New Orleans, LA — In an unexpected move that has stirred controversy, U.S. Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) has publicly offered...
BREAKING: Nation horrified to learn terrorist wasn’t a white supremacist
New Orleans, LA — In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation reevaluating its assumptions, the identity...
BREAKING: Wray promises to allow several more terrorist attacks before he steps down as FBI Director
Washington, D.C. — In a surprising yet somewhat expected turn of events, FBI Director Christopher Wray has announced his commitment...
CNN: Car mostly-peacefully drives itself into Magdeburg Christmas market
GERMANY—A car, seemingly driven by the spirit of Christmas itself, embarked on a "mostly peaceful" journey through the Magdeburg Christmas...
