Newsbeat

BREAKING: North Carolina changes its name to Ukraine to get federal funding after devastating Hurricane Helene

Jeremy Spoken October 1, 2024 0

RALEIGH, NC—In a bold move to secure desperately needed federal funding in the wake of Hurricane Helene, North Carolina Governor...

Victims of Hurricane Helene identifying as illegal immigrants so they can get some federal aid from the Biden-Harris administration

Exavier Saskagoochie October 1, 2024 0

ASHVILLE, NC—Victims of Hurricane Helene in North Carolina have discovered a clever life hack: identifying as illegal immigrants in order...

BREAKING: Fans shocked that celebrities who rap about drugs, rape, and murder are actually horrible people in real life too

Exavier Saskagoochie September 28, 2024 0

NEW YORK—In an absolutely unforeseen twist that has blindsided his fanbase, music mogul and notorious “Freak Off” party host P...

BREAKING: Feds indict NYC Mayor Eric Adams for ‘Unauthorized Complaining About Federal Immigration Policy’

Exavier Saskagoochie September 26, 2024 0

NEW YORK—In a shocking display of federal overreach that surprised absolutely no one, the Biden/Harris administration's DOJ has officially indicted...

BREAKING: CIA fires Trump would-be assassin Routh for failing mission

Robert L. Peters, Jr. September 16, 2024 0

In a shocking turn of events, the CIA has officially pulled the plug on its notorious "Trump Sniper Program" after...

BREAKING: Trump indicted for interfering with second official CIA assassination attempt of him

Exavier Saskagoochie September 15, 2024 0

MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump has been indicted yet again, this time...

Kamala Harris orders Secret Service to use only NERF guns from now on

Exavier Saskagoochie September 6, 2024 0

WASHINGTON, DC—Call her a power-hungry prostitute or a tyrannical communist, but you cannot call President Vice-President Kamala Harris a hypocrite...