Biden: ‘FBI has enough evidence to indict Trump on charges of misdemeanor malarkey’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden says that the FBI now has enough evidence to indict Trump on charges of misdemeanor malarkey....
Newsbeat
AOC reports she’s in stable condition after the assassination attempt on Salman Rushdie’s life
WASHINGTON, DC—US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has reported that she is in stable condition today after the assassination attempt on author...
BREAKING: Pope Francis bans all ‘assault rosaries’ from Catholic homes, churches
THE VATICAN—Following the Atlantic's article identifying the rosary as an "extremist" assault weapon, the Holy Father has moved to ban...
BREAKING: Liz Cheney being airlifted from Wyoming to DC following primary election
CHEYENNE, WY—Republican Liz Cheney was seen being airlifted out of her Wyoming habitat after residents in the state overwhelmingly voted...
BREAKING: Supporting law enforcement is okay again
(CNN)—Millions of "Defund the Police" activists are cheering the FBI raid on former president Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate and criticizing the...
BREAKING: Biden changes nuclear codes to ‘password’ to be more secure following Trump raid
WASHINGTON, DC—Following reports that former President Donald Trump has been selling the nation's nuclear codes as part of his 2024...
BREAKING: Hunter Biden tests positive for every disease except COVID
US—During this global health crisis, austere businessman Hunter Biden has tested positive for every disease except for COVID, which is...
Historians remove Nicolaus Copernicus for denying scientific consensus
US—Nicolaus Copernicus was a Renaissance polymath, active as a mathematician, astronomer, and Catholic canon, whose statements frequently contradict the scientific consensus on the Earth...
BREAKING: Dick Cheney gives personal guarantee that Trump is stockpiling weapons of mass destruction at Mar-a-Lago
WASHINGTON, DC—Former Vice President Dick Cheney has given his personal guarantee that former President Donal Trump is storing weapons of...
Dolphins wide receiver Hubris Jackson suspended for 2 preseason games for murdering his ex-wife
MIAMI—Dolphins wide receiver Hubris Jackson was suspended for 2 preseason games for murdering his ex-wife and two other people in...
