BREAKING: Biden surrenders to Nazi Germany too
WASHINGTON, DC—After a successful withdrawal and surrender to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, US President* Joe Biden has unilaterally decided to...
Newsbeat
Biden orders all rainbow flags flown at half-staff after Taliban cancels UN queer theory classes
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was appalled to hear that the Taliban cancelled all...
CNN: Q Anon has overtaken Kabul
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—The Q Anon Shaman was seen in pictures taken at the Afghanistan Presidential Palace after he and other white...
Biden appoints Cuomo Gender Equality Czar citing his experience with ‘lots of women’
WASHINGTON, DC—Just minutes after former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo resigned over accusations of sexual harassment, US President* Joe Biden...
BREAKING: California decriminalizes rapes lasting under 1 minute
SACRAMENTO, CA—Citing justice based on California's decriminalization of theft under $1000, Governor Gavin Newsom has unilaterally decriminalized rapes lasting less...
BREAKING: Fauci orders drone strike on Rand Paul
WASHINGTON, DC—Escalating his War on Science, America's Doctor and leader of the Pharmaceutical-Industrial Complex Anthony Fauci has ordered a drone...
Local stores completely sold out of 9mm vaccine passports
SPRINGFIELD—All area stores have completely sold out if their supply of 9mm vaccine passports amid a nation-wide shortage. The shortage...
Local Branch Covidian waterboards himself trying to drink vaccine through his mask
US—A local member of the Branch Covidian sect of Fauciism, David Jackaski is in the hospital today after accidentally waterboarding...
Jill Biden has sharp object removed from foot after stepping on Hunter’s crack pipe
WASHINGTON, DC—First Lady* Dr. Jill Biden had a sharp object removed from her left foot by doctors at Walter Reed...
CNN: Biden draws mostly supportive crowd in Pennsylvania
(CNN) The most popular president in the history of the world, Joe Biden, drew a mostly supportive crowd in Allentown,...
