Biden awards Gen. Milley participation trophy for Afghanistan
WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to spin the disastrous Afghanistan situation, US President* Joe Biden awarded Chairman of the Joint Chiefs...
Newsbeat
Protestor who glued herself to Senator Feinstein can still vote on her behalf
WASHINGTON, DC—A climate change protestor who glued herself to Senator Dianne Feinstein earlier this month can continue voting on her...
BREAKING: Dianne Feinstein, formerly mistaken for petrified alien mummy, dead at 90
In a surprising turn of events, Dianne Feinstein, once mistaken for a petrified alien mummy due to her seemingly ageless...
BREAKING: Rand Paul Venmos Ukraine $600.01 to make the IRS audit the country’s finances
US—Senator Rand Paul has sent $600.01 through Venmo to to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, which will force the IRS to...
BREAKING: Christine Blasey Ford says that Russel Brand was at the party too
In a shocking twist to an already controversial chapter in American politics, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, who accused Supreme Court...
BREAKING: Biden finally gives RFK Jr. Secret Service security detail
In a move that has left many scratching their heads and others simply chuckling, President Joe Biden has granted Secret...
BREAKING: Obama orders drone strike to distract from reports he’s gay
In a shocking turn of events, former President Barack Obama has reportedly ordered a drone strike as a distraction from...
New ‘free speech’ theater opens in Portland: patrons can yell ‘FIRE!’ if they want
PORTLAND—A controversial new “free speech” theater opened in the thriving Portland arts district last night, triggering protests by firefighters and...
San Francisco police arrest peaceful shoplifter for not wearing a mask
SAN FRANCISCO—In a startling turn of events, the city of San Francisco has taken a bold step in its ongoing...
Deaf signer deliberately misquotes DeSantis: ‘Hurricanes make me super happy!’
FLORIDA—A deaf signer with ties to the Campaign To Re-Elect Joe Biden deliberately misquoted Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis during...
