BREAKING: Elon Musk opens salt mine sourced only from liberal tears following Twitter acquisition
AUSTIN—Tesla CEO Elon Musk is venturing into new businesses. He is now selling salt sourced solely from liberal tears following...
Science
White House: Biden’s hands identify as separate personality dubbed ‘Handsy’
WASHINGTON, DC—Psychologists say, after years of repression, it looks like President Biden has developed split personality disorder. A representative from...
SCIENCE: CIS men are actually transmen trapped in the bodies of transwomen-the most oppressed group ever
ST. LOUIS—In a new Pew Pew study that will surely lead to the self-immolation of thousands of social justice warriors,...
NEW: Joe Biden diet and exercise program will take the pounds of in no time
Looking to lose weight and get healthy? We have the perfect diet and exercise plan for you: https://rumble.com/embed/vxbb1j/?pub=w2au8
Amazon’s ‘The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power’ replaces all villains with Putin
HOLLYWOOD—The multi-million dollar TV series Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power is set to enlighten us in September...
BREAKING: Local man creates time machine by moving clock forward 1 hour every morning
PLEASANTVILLE—Myron Slipnicks says he has traveled into the future simply by moving his clock ahead 1 hour every morning. He...
SCOTUS nominee brings a biologist with her every time she goes to the bathroom to tell her which one to use
WASHINGTON, DC—Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson refused to define the word “woman” in her Supreme Court confirmation hearing Tuesday, asserting that...
ALERT: FBI seeks public’s help finding Science who has been missing for weeks
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI is seeking the public's help in finding the man known as Science, who as been missing for...
Buttigieg recommends a ‘horse and buggy’ for those who can’t afford gas right now
WASHINGTON, DC—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg said that those unable to pay the high gas prices caused by inflation and the...
US ‘very worried’ Russia may seize US bioweapons labs in Ukraine that don’t exist
WASHINGTON, DC—Government officials are "very worried" that Russia may seize US bioweapons labs in Ukraine that don't exist. "Do we...
