BREAKING: Local man creates time machine by moving clock forward 1 hour every morning
PLEASANTVILLE—Myron Slipnicks says he has traveled into the future simply by moving his clock ahead 1 hour every morning. He...
Science
SCOTUS nominee brings a biologist with her every time she goes to the bathroom to tell her which one to use
WASHINGTON, DC—Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson refused to define the word “woman” in her Supreme Court confirmation hearing Tuesday, asserting that...
ALERT: FBI seeks public’s help finding Science who has been missing for weeks
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI is seeking the public's help in finding the man known as Science, who as been missing for...
Buttigieg recommends a ‘horse and buggy’ for those who can’t afford gas right now
WASHINGTON, DC—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg said that those unable to pay the high gas prices caused by inflation and the...
US ‘very worried’ Russia may seize US bioweapons labs in Ukraine that don’t exist
WASHINGTON, DC—Government officials are "very worried" that Russia may seize US bioweapons labs in Ukraine that don't exist. "Do we...
BREAKING: Russian tanks invade International Space Station
SPACE—The United States is reeling as the Russians land another blow, taking over the space station. NASA received this report...
AOC horrified Russia is using ‘gas-powered’ tanks to run over Ukrainians instead of hybrids
KYIV—The streets of the capital have turned into chaos after Russia has invaded the Ukraine with tanks and armored vehicles....
BREAKING: Biden sending army of ‘terrifying’ Rachel Levine clones to defend Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—NATO allies are putting forces on standby and sending additional ships and fighter jets to eastern Europe and President*...
Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has made it clear that proof of full vaccination will be required to receive the administration's...
In major policy win, Biden admin offers $30 million in grants to unload Hunter’s crack pipes
WASHNGTON, DC—In a flagship grant program, titled ”Pipes with the Bidens,” the flailing administration has advanced their most ingenious piece...
