BREAKING: Pope Francis excommunicates Harrison Butker for being ‘too Catholic’
VATICAN—Pope Francis has announced that he is personally excommunicating Kansas City Chiefs' kicker Harrison Butker from the Catholic Church for...
Sports
BREAKING: NFL Suspends Chiefs’ Kicker for Not Meeting League Minimum for Domestic Violence
The NFL has officially suspended Kansas City Chiefs' kicker, Harrison Butker, for his failure to meet the league minimum of...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Brian Hernandez Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner Mystik Dan, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying,...
Boeing issues apology after accidentally killing 10 NCAA whistleblowers
Boeing has issued a formal apology after "accidentally" killing 10 NCAA referees during a series of test flights. The aerospace...
BREAKING: Trump indicted for not sniffing kids during Miami Grand Prix visit
MIAMI—Former President Donald Trump has been indicted for the heinous crime of not sniffing children during his recent visit to...
BREAKING: OJ Simpson led police on a low speed chase in extended cab white Bronco hearse to funeral
LOS ANGELES—OJ Simpson, the infamous former football star, led police on a slow and low speed chase on the 410...
Kamala Harris demands the NCAA allow women’s basketball to use baskets this year
In an impassioned speech at a recent press conference, Vice President* Kamala Harris called on the NCAA to finally allow...
BREAKING: 49ers receive 4 mail-in touchdowns at 4am to win the Super Bowl 50-25
In a stunning turn of events, the San Francisco 49ers emerged victorious in the Super Bowl after receiving four mail-in...
Budweiser Clydsdales to return to Super Bowl featuring first trans horse and one who identifies as a paraplegic Swedish bikini model
Get ready for a Super Bowl commercial that's not horsing around – Budweiser's iconic Clydesdales are back, and they've undergone...
BREAKING: Taylor Swift is going to the Super Bowl her first year after being drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs
KANSAS CITY—Taylor swift is going to the Super Bowl in her first year after being drafted by the Kansas City...
