Fans Thank Pope As Beer Cooler Ice Remains Unmelted After ‘Ice Blessing’
VATICAN CITY – In a move hailed as the greatest papal intervention since the invention of the fish fry, Pope...
Sports
The Daily Dumpster Fire: Episode 1
Welcome to The Daily Dumpster Fire, the flagship news roundup of the Genesius Times, hosted by the reliably unimpressive duo...
New WNBA Fans Grow Frustrated Waiting For Next Dildo Toss
The WNBA is basking in a wave of new fans, but not all are thrilled with the league’s pacing. Oran...
MLB: First Female Ump Grounds The Cubs For Messy Dugout
CHICAGO—MLB’s first female umpire, Jen “Iron Mom” Pawol, brought Wrigley Field to a screeching halt during yesterday’s Chicago Cubs game...
WNBA Players Agree to Historic Pay Increase, To Be Paid in Oversized Bendy Dildos
NEW YORK—The Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) has announced a groundbreaking pay increase for its players, to be distributed exclusively...
Trump Proposes Renaming NFL Commanders Back to “Redskins,” Citing Offense to Commanders-in-Chief
Washington, D.C. — President Donald J. Trump announced Tuesday that he believes the Washington Commanders NFL team should revert to...
WNBA agrees to players’ demand to ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’; sets all their salaries to $0
PHOENIX — The WNBA has reset all player salaries to $0 following a unified protest during warm-ups at the WNBA...
Angel Reese says basketball rims are racists for making her throw up so many bricks
CHICAGO, IL – In a shocking post-game press conference following a tough loss for the Chicago Sky, WNBA star Angel...
Cleveland Browns draft wife-beater Kilmar Garcia for roster depth
CLEVELAND, OH – In a move that has left NFL fans simultaneously stunned and oddly unsurprised, the Cleveland Browns used...
All 6 WNBA fans devastated as Angel Reese threatens to sit out if she’s not paid more
In a shocking turn of events that sent ripples through the half a dozen dedicated WNBA fans, star player Angel...
