BREAKING: Unvaxxed, unhealthy, sick, risk to all of society, person wins Wimbledon
WIMBLEDON, ENGLAND—An unhealthy, unvaxxed, sick, risk to society somehow won one of the most grueling sporting events in the world:...
Sports
Megan Rapinoe bravely stands on American flag while receiving the Presidential Medal of Honor
WASHINGTON, DC—Soccer player Megan Rapinoe bravely stood on an American flag while receiving the Presidential Medal of Honor from President*...
New MasterClass offering: Joe Biden Teaches Riding a Bike
US—MasterClass always chooses the best people for their classes. Like when they chose Paul Krugman to teach economics. That was...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Sonny Leon, jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner Rich Strike, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If...
BREAKING: There is a new world’s fastest woman swimmer
Ladies and gentlemen and gentlemen who are ladies and ladies who are gentlemen, there is a new fastest woman swimmer...
BREAKING: Women with big hairy balls continue to dominate women without big hairy balls in sports
ATLANTA—Lia Thomas has become the first transgender athlete to win a National Collegiate Athletic Association swimming championship - but she...
POLL: Who do you trust more with public health: Dr. Fauci or Dr. Dre?
After a strong performance on the National Stage during Super Bowl LVI, Dr. Dre is making the case for the...
In effort to be more green, China switches from gas-powered artificial snow makers to 100% slave labor
BEIJING—After several environmentalist groups applied pressure to China about its use of fossil-fuel-powered snow makers to produce snow for the...
Eminem sacrifices two goats to Moloch in annual Illuminati halftime show
LOS ANGELES—The annual Illuminati initiation ritual, also known as the Super Bowl LVI Halftime show, featured an unprecedented number of...
Newsom mandates a 10k-seat ‘Looters Section’ at Superbowl LVI
LOS ANGELES—Spectators paying upwards of $10,000 (yes, you read that right) to watch the LA Rams and Cincinnati Bengals slug...
