Fauci: ‘Dying cancer victims should just be glad they didn’t get COVID-19 with a 99.8% cure rate’

Tens of thousands of cooperative self-isolating quarantined citizens are coming out of their basements. A bit dazed, a little pale, but with something our so-called experts didn’t see coming.

Many are presenting to their primary care physicians with lumps. Not small lumps which would have been easy to diagnose and treat but golfball-sized lumps that have already spread like butter on hot corn.

Why just last week, Ms. Justine Bean Screwed claimed, “I’ve been in my basement since Christmas. I first noticed a tiny weeny lump in my right breast. Then I noticed a tiny weeny lump in my right armpit. What’s weird is that over the winter, instead of gaining weight like everyone else, I started losing weight. Great, I thought. When I got down to 65 pounds I thought maybe I should come out of my basement and see a doctor.”

Services for Ms. Screwed will be held next week.

Dr. Fauci was told of the explosion of undiagnosed and untreated cancer. He explained, “Look, dying of COVID-19 is the worst possible death known to mankind. Cancer, on the other hand is a great way to die. Months or years of surgery, chemotherapy, radiation are kinda fun with the right attitude. There is a silver lining here. Our economy is collapsing so all the cancer doctors and radiation therapists are going to be booming. A win-win.”

Unfortunately, Dr. Evil….er Fauci could not be reached for further clarification as he is rumored to be in Argentina living among the other 80+ year old Nazis.