Millions of satire writers mourn the announcement of Beto ending presidential campaign


Millions of satire writers across the country are mourning the announcement that former Texas congressman Robert “Beto” O’Rourke is dropping out of the race for president.

O’Rourke was one of 73,000 candidates seeking the Democratic nomination in 2020.

“I’m actually quite heartbroken,” Sandy Eggo of the Babylon Bee said. “He gave us so much material. It’s almost like my dog died.”

In 2018 O’Rourke ran an unsuccessful campaign against Republican Ted Cruz to become a United States Senator of Texas. And thought that if he couldn’t win Texas, he could certainly win the rest of the country.

“I mean what am I going to write about now?” Frenchy Bunion of the Onion said. “I guess I’ll always have AOC to make fun of. Beto was just satire gold though! He’s going to be missed.”

O’Rourke shared the following on Twitter:

“Our campaign has always been about seeing clearly, speaking honestly, and acting decisively.

In that spirit: I am announcing that my service to the country will not be as a candidate or as the nominee.”

Rumor has it that O’Rourke is taking up the Mexican President’s offer to confiscate all the drug cartels’ guns.


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