Newly released Tom Brady called in to deflate the coronavirus and render it harmless

Who doesn’t remember ‘Deflategate’? If you don’t, that’s when the New England Patriots were accused of lowering the pressure in their team’s footballs to about 2 psi below standard to allegedly favor Tom Brady‘s performance.

The entire controversy was muddled by temperature fluctuations on the field, how many balls were underinflated out of all those available at game time, etc. Eventually, Brady was suspended for four games, a few draft picks were eliminated and the team fined $1,000,000.

To this day, nobody has admitted anything in particular and to make matters even more confusing, after the balls were re-inflated during half-time, Brady went on to crush the Colts something like 45-7.

With the coronavirus pictures telling us that it’s a swollen ball of DNA and receptors, who better to call in to get the air outta those suckers? Master deflater Brady, of course. As we speak, he is being flown into the CDC and with their nano-deflators are beginning the deflation process.

Their goal? To remove the air, flatten them out and make the viruses look like small receptor-sprinkled doughnuts. Once the immune cells get a good look at ’em it’ll be like Pac-man on steroids. Immune cells, just like people, find doughnuts irresistible. Science!