California reports that they could know who won the governor primary by sometime early 2028 
Talarico: ‘Preborn Babies Are Like Tapeworms and Have No Rights Unless They’re Trans, In Which Case, They Deserve to Live’ 
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee 
Statue of Obama Performing an Abortion on Lady Liberty Unveiled at the Obama Presidential Library 
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player 
Trump replies to Comey’s ‘8647’ seashell post with ‘FAFO’ seashell post after Comey is indicted
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left political observers reaching for their maritime dictionaries, former FBI Director James Comey...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
AOC Expresses Profound Relief After Ilhan Omar Claims ‘Dumbest Person in Congress’ Title
WASHINGTON — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) held a brief press availability Tuesday morning to announce that she is “finally at...
CNN Panel: “Why is Everyone Trying to Kill Hitler?”
WASHINGTON — In the immediate aftermath of a disrupted incident at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner, CNN moved swiftly...
Study Finds There Are 11 Types of People in this World: Those who Understand Roman Numerals and Ilhan Omar
WASHINGTON — In a breakthrough that scholars are calling “both mathematically dubious and emotionally consistent,” a new report released Tuesday...
“No Kings” crowd gives King Charles standing ovation
WASHINGTON — In a display of ideological flexibility that surprised no one, members of the “No Kings” movement rose to...
Stormtroopers Now Recruiting US Secret Service Agents After They Fail to Hit Would-Be Assassins Routh and Allen in 10 Shots
CORUSCANT — In a surprising move, the Galactic Empire announced today that it is actively recruiting members of the United...
Ilhan Omar Panics Over Missing 4pm Meeting, Because It’s ‘Already One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven O’Clock!’
Washington, D.C. — Representative Ilhan Omar (D-MN) expressed growing concern Tuesday afternoon after glancing at a conference room clock and...
Someone from the “Hate Has No Home Here” crowd just tried to kill another person again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another masterclass in non-violence and empathy, 31-year-old California teacher and engineer Cole Tomas Allen joined...
BREAKING: People who have been calling for violence targeting Trump for 10 years ‘shocked’ of all the violence targeting Trump
WASHINGTON — Prominent Democrats expressed profound surprise and concern Monday following yet another assassination attempt on President Donald J. Trump...
Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg Files Charges Against Trump for Surviving Another Assassination Attempt
NEW YORK — Following the Biden DOJ's lead and citing a “clear pattern of evading accountability,” Manhattan District Attorney Alvin...
