Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
Louvre Hosts Open House for Looters; “Girl with the Suicidal Empathy” Left Untouched
PARIS — The Louvre Museum held an open house for looters on Tuesday. Attendees removed objects from multiple galleries. The...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Netanyahu Demands 2-State Solution for France Following Unrest
JERUSALEM — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Tuesday that France should adopt a two-state solution following several nights of...
Macron: “It’s Not a Riot If It’s Not From France’s Riôt Region. This Is Just Sparkling Social Discontent”
PARIS — President Emmanuel Macron said Monday that recent disturbances in several French cities do not qualify as riots, because...
Trump Taps Sydney Sweeney as New Press Secretary, Pledges “Nothing but Policy”
WASHINGTON — President Trump announced that actress Sydney Sweeney will serve as White House Press Secretary. In her first briefing,...
Left-Wingers Hold Massive Campaign Rallies for Right-Wing Party All Around France
PARIS — In what political analysts are calling one of the most effective grassroots operations of the 2027 campaign cycle,...
QUIZ: What Caused This—Nuclear Explosion or Diversity? (France Edition)
France is on fire again. City halls in flames, streets littered with burned cars, looted shops, and the usual “youths”...
Angry French Students Loot Louis Vuitton in Search of More Teachers and Better Schools, Find Neither
PARIS — A group of French students entered a Louis Vuitton store on the Champs-Élysées yesterday and began removing merchandise,...
Immigrants Issue Heartfelt Thanks to France for Its Inclusivity by Burning It to the Ground
PARIS — In what officials are calling a powerful testament to successful integration, large groups of recent arrivals have begun...
“Un-Named Source” Gets Prime-Time Show On MSNOW
NEW YORK — MSNOW announced Tuesday that it has hired “Un-Named Source” to host a new prime-time program, following the...
Influencer Demands Men Around Her Stop Looking at Her While She Films Video in Public for Followers
In a groundbreaking act of cognitive dissonance, fitness influencer @GluteGoddess69 has issued a stern public demand: strangers must immediately stop...
