Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
Israel Celebrates US-Iran Peace Plan by Bombing the Hell Out of Lebanon
TEL AVIV — Israeli officials announced Thursday that a landmark peace initiative with Iran would be moving forward, marking the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Cinco de Mayo: Celebrating The Three Brave Americans Who Defeated El Guapo at the Battle of Santa Poco to give Mexico its Independence
SANTA POCO, MEXICO — As the world prepares to consume record amounts of guacamole and lime-flavored malt beverages, historians are...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Jerry Jabba Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If I...
Judge Overturns Cole Allen’s Failed Assassination Attempt, Grants Him Chance to Retry
WASHINGTON — In a landmark ruling Tuesday, U.S. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui vacated the unsuccessful assassination attempt in the criminal...
Trump Announces Targeted Bombing of the Critical Infrastructure of Sen John Thune
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump declared Tuesday that the United States will launch targeted bombing campaigns against key infrastructure controlled by...
Talking frog convinces annoying kid to kill his dad
The original Star Wars original trilogy (1977–1983) is a landmark achievement in American cinema, primarily for proving that a perfectly...
Spirit Halloween Officially Takes Over Spirit Airlines
MIRAMAR, Fla. — Spirit Airlines announced Tuesday that it has been acquired by Spirit Halloween in a deal valued at...
Ilhan Omar’s Brother-Husband Is Decorated World War Eleven Veteran and Hero
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left historians, basic mathematicians, and anyone capable of counting past ten utterly baffled,...
Federal Judge Overturns American Revolution, Orders States Returned to United Kingdom
WASHINGTON — In a landmark 87-page ruling Tuesday morning, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole declared the Declaration of Independence “constitutionally...
Trump replies to Comey’s ‘8647’ seashell post with ‘FAFO’ seashell post after Comey is indicted
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left political observers reaching for their maritime dictionaries, former FBI Director James Comey...
