Mamdani Announces Microchip Requirement for Access to City-Owned Grocery Stores 
BREAKING: Arsonist blames climate change for making him start the Spokane fire 
BREAKING: Sen Mitch McConnell has tragically died tomorrow 
WNBA to start all games with Caitlin Clark receiving 5 fouls for getting punched in the face 
Rep. Ocasio-Cortez Invents Groundbreaking Car That Runs on Neither Gas Nor Electricity 
Chicago Mayor vows to fight Trump if he tries to take away the right of his people to rape and murder each other
CHICAGO — In a fiery press conference, Mayor Brandon Johnson declared he is ready to “go to war” with former...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Kilmar Garcia Released From Prison To Find Cure For Cancer
ANNAPOLIS, MD—Kilmar Garcia, a Maryland man previously incarcerated for unspecified charges, was released from prison this week to pursue his...
Mona Lisa Get Ready With Me Video
Big News from Genesius Times We’ve spared no expense to bring in top-tier talent for our new Beauty & Style...
BREAKING: FBI Raids John Bolton’s Mustache in Pre-Dawn Operation
In a stunning escalation of federal overreach, the FBI conducted a dramatic 4 a.m. raid on former National Security Advisor...
Britons paint St George Cross on illegal immigrants in hopes that the government will actually start removing them
LONDON—In a peculiar escalation of Britain’s immigration debate, citizens across the country have begun painting the St. George’s Cross on...
After Backlash, Cracker Barrel Reverts to ‘Old-Timer’ Logo, Slaps Sydney Sweeney on for Good Measure
In a move that screams “we hear you, but also, please look at this shiny distraction,” Cracker Barrel Old Country...
Illegal Alien Who Killed 3 in Illegal U-Turn in Florida Surges to Top of 2028 Democratic Presidential Polls
In a plot twist that reads like a rejected Hollywood script, Harjinder Singh, an undocumented immigrant who scored a California...
BREAKING: Sadiq Khan Bans Assault Bacon in London, Declares City ‘Safe for Muslims’
LONDON—Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced a city-wide ban on "assault bacon," declaring it a public safety hazard and a bold...
Gavin Newsom Unveils New Gerrymandered California Map in Response to Texas Redistricting
SACRAMENTO—In what experts are calling “an ambitious and geographically aggressive” countermeasure, California Governor Gavin Newsom today unveiled a newly drawn...
Experts blame climate change for making them use cloud-seeding tech to cause massive flooding throughout US
NEW YORK—Government officials have blamed climate change for making them use cloud-seeding technology to cause massive flooding throughout the United...
