Mamdani Announces Microchip Requirement for Access to City-Owned Grocery Stores 
BREAKING: Arsonist blames climate change for making him start the Spokane fire 
BREAKING: Sen Mitch McConnell has tragically died tomorrow 
WNBA to start all games with Caitlin Clark receiving 5 fouls for getting punched in the face 
Rep. Ocasio-Cortez Invents Groundbreaking Car That Runs on Neither Gas Nor Electricity 
BREAKING: Sydney Sweeney issues apology for being so friggin hot
Actress Sydney Sweeney issued a formal public apology Thursday after facing widespread backlash for appearing in a recent American Eagle...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: House Republicans Narrowly Avoid Doing Anything Before Recess
Washington, D.C. — In a close call that briefly threatened to interrupt a carefully scheduled recess, House Republicans narrowly avoided...
CBS Sees Ratings Boost After Replacing Stephen Colbert With Footage of Paint Drying
New York, NY — CBS has confirmed the dismissal of longtime Late Show host Stephen Colbert this week, citing “strategic...
BREAKING: Bondi Promises to Make Up for Not Releasing Epstein Files by Not Releasing Obama Files
Washington, D.C. — U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Monday that she plans to make amends for her failure to...
Trump Proposes Renaming NFL Commanders Back to “Redskins,” Citing Offense to Commanders-in-Chief
Washington, D.C. — President Donald J. Trump announced Tuesday that he believes the Washington Commanders NFL team should revert to...
Democrats starting to think it was a bad idea to arrest and try to kill Trump
WASHINGTON, DC—Democrats, including Rep. Adam Schiff, are reportedly sweating bullets over their years-long quest to prosecute and politically annihilate former...
WNBA agrees to players’ demand to ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’; sets all their salaries to $0
PHOENIX — The WNBA has reset all player salaries to $0 following a unified protest during warm-ups at the WNBA...
BREAKING: Obama says he didn’t commit treason in Russiagate because he’s ‘not even an American citizen’
Former US President Barack Obama has responded to charges of treason by assuring everyone that he was never an American...
‘Fetuses are parasites,’ says 34-year-old living in parents’ basement
US—Unemployed Herman Schock, who currently resides in the basement of his parents' house in a suburb of Kansas City, Missouri,...
BREAKING: Trump replaces White House Press Secretary with literal gaslight to address Epstein Files
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has left political analysts and fire marshals equally baffled, former President Donald Trump...
