BREAKING: Sen Van Hollen claims it’s ‘disgusting’ that Kilmar Garcia can’t be home in Maryland to beat his wife on Easter like he used to 
AOC vows to torch her Tesla made by that ‘stupid billionaire’ as soon as she figures out how those magic firesticks work 
Catholic Nuns Cure ADHD With Simple Life Hack 
Local liberal agonizes over which cold-blooded murderer to support today 
Scientists now say that burning Teslas to the ground is better for the environment than not doing so 
Harris removes racist white stripes from US flag in time for 4th of July
WASHINGTON, DC—Following up on a campaign promise to remove the racist white stripes from the US flag, President Vice President...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Biden Hires Jeffrey Toobin to Help Him Become a “Master Debater”
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold move to enhance his debate skills ahead of the upcoming presidential election, President* Joe Biden has...
Creators of Pride Month launch Extreme Avarice Month in July
US—Working off the success of the wildly popular June Pride Month, creators have launched the sequel, "Extreme Avarice Month" in...
BREAKING: Biden meets with his family to talk about the future of his campaign
BEIJING—In a heartwarming and strategic move, President Joe Biden recently flew to Beijing for a family reunion to discuss the...
Conspiracy Theorists Sue Government for Taking All Their Ideas
US—In an ironic twist of fate, a coalition of conspiracy theorists has filed a lawsuit against the U.S. government, accusing...
BREAKING: Jill Biden arrested for elderly abuse
WILMINGTON, DE—After months of forcing her senior-citizen husband President* Joe Biden into the public spotlight despite his embarrassing declining cognitive inabilities, Jill...
BREAKING: Donald Trump indicted for murdering elderly man on national television
ATLANTA—Former President Donald Trump has been indicted for the alleged murder of current President* Joe Biden during a live television...
Congress unveils statue of Jamaal Bowman pulling fire alarm in Capitol Rotunda
WASHINGTON, DC—The Congress has unveiled a new statue of outgoing Congressman Jamaal Bowman pulling a fire alarm, commemorating his unique...
New rules for CNN debate: Trump will be in a sound-proof glass room and only be able to respond using sign language
ATLANTA—In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, CNN has announced that it will be implementing new rules for its...
EXCLUSIVE: Preview of Presidential Debate Between Trump and Biden
Genesius Times was able to obtain exclusive footage of the future debate between President Donald Trump and President* Joe Biden....
