Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
BREAKING: Google office quarantined after someone was wished a ‘Merry Christmas’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The Google Headquarters shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation
CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD...
John Miller emerges as GOP front runner in Colorado
DENVER- Following the removal of Donald Trump from the election ballot, newcomer John Miller finds himself the leading GOP candidate."We're...
On this day in 1993, Harvard President Claudine Gay wrote the songs All I Want For Christmas Is You, Silent Night, Jingle Bell Rock, and Panama
BOSTON—Harvard President Claudine Gay is not just an esteemed scholar but also the clandestine creative genius behind some of the...
BREAKING: Colorado Supreme Court defends democracy by making sure people can only vote for Biden in 2024
DENVER—To achieve this noble goal, they've implemented a groundbreaking measure: allowing voters to cast their ballots for only one candidate....
Chicago Mayor to Texas Gov: ‘How dare you send illegals to my city that openly welcomes them!’
CHICAGO—Mayor Brandon Johnson has issued a stern rebuke to Texas Governor Greg Abbott for sending "dirty immigrants" to his city,...
Biden wishes millions of Americans a ‘season of illness and death’ in his annual holiday card
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden and his wife, Doctor* Jill Biden want to wish every unvaccinated American a "wonderful, cheery and...
Graham “There is NO Biden Bribery Evidence but There IS a Santa Claus!”
WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Lindsey Graham has embarked on a metamorphic journey that has left constituents scratching their heads and likening him...
Pope Francis says priests can bless Sodom & Gomorrah
In a stunning display of divine inclusivity, Pope Francis, the head of the Catholic Church, has announced a groundbreaking expansion...
Authorities add devil horns to all Founding Father statues to prevent Democrats from tearing them down
In a groundbreaking move to preemptively thwart any potential wrath from the left, authorities across the nation have embarked on...
